In just a few days, I’ll reach the big week forty. It’s hard to believe that nine months ago, we only dreamed of maybe a baby. And now she’s almost here…and I think we’re ready.
I think we’re ready, and we’re excited.
But I’m also a little scared. I know motherhood isn’t glamorous and I know it isn’t easy. From here, the intimidated new mama in me clings to the belief that all of this—the discomfort, the pain, and the promise of a million loads of laundry, midnight diaper blowouts, all night rocking sessions and showerless weeks—all of the hardships and sacrifices, they will be worth it.
Everywhere I turn, someone looks at my ill fitting clothing and obvious baby bump and offers up a choice bit of wisdom from their own parenthood.
None of it sounds very good.
I’ll never sleep again. For the rest of my life.
I should forget about looking cute—the baby will have destroyed my body and will spit up and wet on anything remotely attractive I own so it isn’t worth the bother to try.
Babies are only cute when they are sleeping. The rest of the time they are little monsters who only want to eat and scream and demand things.
Prepare to never have a social life and to forget about any hobbies.
The terrible twos are going to make you go crazy and you’ll beg to send your kid to daycare!
Just wait until they are teens….then you will regret the day you had kids.
The list goes on and on. It’s all about the bad, the negative and what we’re about to loose the day our little girl is born. And maybe some of it or a lot of it is true.
But new mamas already know motherhood isn’t going to be easy.
I already know that there will be late nights, sleepless nights, colic and babies who cry and cry. I know about blowout diapers at the worst moment, and spit up on my favorite dress. I know I won’t have all the time I use to for the things I may have enjoyed. I know children whine and that chances are we might not get a moment to ourselves very often anymore.
I know motherhood and parenthood are harder than anything I can imagine. And I know I can’t do it all on my own.
But as a new mama, I think what I need most is to know that in the middle of the spit up, and the night feedings, and the crying and the mess, that motherhood is beautiful, too.
I think we as new mamas need to know from those who have been where we are now that motherhood isn’t just drudgery and hardship and exhaustion, but that tucked into all that reality is a bit of good too.
What we need is for someone to tell us that motherhood is filled with precious moments.
That those first few weeks are hard, but that we will make it through and it will be okay.
That baby smiles and arms that reach up for you are always worth it—even at 3 am on a week that you haven’t showered even once yet or slept for more than 10 minutes at a time.
That rocking a little one to sleep is something precious never to be taken for granted.
That those firsts giggles are the most beautiful sound in the world.
That love grows and that being a mother is something that we won’t want to trade for anything else—not even our old jobs, old lives and tiny pre baby bodies.
We need to know, more than that motherhood is hard, that it is worth it and that we can do this.
So to the friend who told me that sleep as a new mama might be limited, but it is so much better than pregnancy sleep, and the woman who said that motherhood isn’t easy but it is the best thing she ever did, to the woman who said that even post baby bodies can be beautiful and the ones who always remind us how much we are going to love being parents even when it isn’t easy—thank you. Those are the gems that we hold onto as we step through the door into new parenthood.
As we prepare for our lives to change forever, it’s those encouraging, hopeful, positive words that make us look forward to the adventure.
And that’s what new mamas need—to know that motherhood is going to be beautifully worth it all.
I can’t wait to meet our little one. I can’t wait to experience holding her for the first time. I’m still a little scared about all the what ifs and the maybes of motherhood. But I am thankful for people who tell me that we can do this and it is going to be wonderful.
Beautiful post! I never thought about it that way, but you are exactly right. I hope you and your husband are enjoying your little one. She was actually born on the same day as my son :-)
How fun that she was born on your son’s birthday! :)
Hi Chantel, just stopping by to say hello. I don’t know if you’ve met your little one as yet but I hope you’re doing great. Sending prayers your way.
Hugs,
Bernadine
Wow, I so loved this. This is very needed for new moms, and other moms need to know what we typically sounds like. I, myself, can give in to the urge of making fun of my lifestyle as a Mom and make it sound so much worse than it is.
We have a dear family friend who told me something very similar to this when I was pregnant with my first. She said that all she ever heard was discouraging advice from expert moms, and it was so disheartening. She then made it her point to encourage new moms with all the good things, because THEY REALLY DO mean so much more than spit up and poo (which can be washed), and disastrous messes (that can be picked up). The work is part of the joy, if you let it be! And contrary to popular belief, you do sleep. Sometimes it’s very little, and you are indeed tired, but you DO sleep. And it’s amazing how God made a mama to function on little sleep. :)
Wow. I heard many similar comments before my son was born. My husband was told he would lose his wife the moment our baby arrived, and that he might as well get used to it. While I can’t answer for everyone’s experience, or for what it is like to have more than one child, I can say the transition to motherhood was amazing. Kind of like marriage. Totally mind-blowing, and often difficult in ways you can never imagine, but so overwhelmingly GOOD. Both my husband and I feel that our relationship is significantly deeper and better since our baby arrived. There were not as many sleepless nights, hours of crying and ruined outfits as we had anticipated. And, in any case, we got through all those things, and learned to be thankful for a three hour sleep stretch, a happy baby moment and the clothes that DIDN’T’ get ruined.
So, look forward to it all! It’s an amazing journey, and you will love it, even when it’s driving you crazy!
– Joanna
Oh, Chantel, motherhood isn’t all those things that people tell you… Maybe portions are true, but “always” and “never” are words that should be used very sparingly, as most often, things are not “always” or “never”. True, you will find hardships in motherhood, but doesn’t all of life have hardships? Wasn’t there plenty of hard times before you had a child?
Having 6 children (6 and under) with #7 due in about 4 months, life, for me, is not all easy… in fact, it is often very difficult. However, the trials that the children bring, cannot compare to all the wonderful things they bring into our lives… In fact, even the trials have a beautifying effect in our lives.
Honestly, having children is like getting married… Marriage brings many circumstances and situations that you NEVER have to deal with before marriage… however, we wouldn’t say that one shouldn’t get married because they might have some hard days with their spouse!
Truly, though, it takes a choice on our part to be joyful, in the midst of hard times… Marriage and motherhood can make you either “bitter or better”, and it all depends on how we decided to view it, deal with situations, and learn from our mistakes/trials/problems/sins. This reminds me of part of a poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1916)…
“One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow,
‘Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.”
SO true! May we ever seek to set our sails in the direction of the Lord!
Also, comments people make about children are all based on their own experiences… And, if I see their child (toddler or teen), I probably wouldn’t want them either! When your child is a baby, people comment about how horrible they will be when they reach their “terrible twos”… And then, when they are a little older (and being obedient in the store), people will make remarks like “just wait until they reach their teens!”… But I know, from experience, that my teen years weren’t awful… and I look forward to my children growing up, and being my friend like I was with my parents. Our children don’t have to go through these awful years… just like your child doesn’t have to pitch a fit every time you don’t get them what they want in the store… True, at different ages, they do reach points in time, when they really seek to test you, and see just how far they can go. You just have to be a lot more consistent, and give them lots of love…
I’m so happy for you, Chantel! You will be a great mother, I’m sure! I often think of the verse that says “a joyful mother of children”…that is my goal and desire in motherhood… to not just do my duty, but to enjoy it!
Love you..
-Sharia
I think you are going to be a beautiful, wonderful mama. I can’t wait for you to hold your tiny one in your arms. Know that I’m sending love and prayers your way today! xx
I am really excited for you. It’s been a challenging first year for me as a mother, but I am still overwhelmed with joy for anyone welcoming a new baby. That says something, doesn’t it? :)
I have never really understood all the “sleepless nights” rants, as though a person had never worked hard and been sleep-deprived before. It’s tiring, but mainly because babies change so often and it’s hard to get on a schedule.
I will look forward to hearing your observations on motherhood, if and when you are able to tear yourself away from that little bundle!
You and Scott are going to be great parents; I’m sure of it! :)
What a gift and what a blessing this baby will be in your lives and your entire family.
*HUGS*
Great post, girl. I have heard some of the most disheartening, discouraging things from older women who are supposed to be giving the opposite (life giving, encouragement!). I don’t know why they feel so inclined. Did they forget the goodness? Are they bitter because their children went an opposite track? I don’t know, but more often than not (and thankfully, there is that “not”!) I hear it from these older women.
But there are many, many, many who breathe life into our tired hearts. I like what the previous commenter said about how we don’t lose ourselves in our children, but we find a new you. SO true. Children change you, and it’s a change for the better. We cannot do motherhood well without Christ, but in Him we can rest in that we will.
Motherhood is a ministry. A beautiful, honorable, calling. And God is gracious enough to give us tiny babes that grow steadily over the years, instead of thrusting us into the role of mother, by handing us a grown child. :)
You will do well, Mama.
P.S – I have three kids and I still manage a shower most every evening. I promise you won’t biodegrade, but you might smell faintly of soured milk… ;)
Aww! Yes! I echo Jess, and I wish I could grab you in a big hug! <3
I thought I knew how to love, but I didn't really until I had kids. Then I realized that somehow I had become a brand-new person in the blink of an eye. All those things that were important before suddenly paled in comparison to the cloudy-blue-eyed, soft-skinned, bundle of wrinkly sweetness in my arms.
Man, it's worth it. Sooo worth it! I cry every several days now because I want another baby so bad.*sheepish grin*
(And the bad-post-baby body idea is waaay overrated, at least in my opinion. Motherhood gave me a MUCH better perspective on the beauties and wonders of my body than I ever had before.) :)
Oh, and it is totally worth it.
I can’t even believe the advice that people give. Well, yes I can.
Will it be hard? Yes. Harder than what you can imagine: Because it is nothing like you’ve ever experienced before, both the good and the trying. It’s hard, because you’re growing, just as your body grew for that little one for 9 months, you will continue to grow, and sometimes growing hurts.
You will sleep again. You will have moments when you just want to send that kid to the moon. You will look at that baby and wonder how it can hurt so much to love something THAT much. The love for our husbands hurts, but for our children, it is so much more. It is the ache in the pit of your stomach, the wanting to wake them up when they are FINALLY asleep because you miss them and want to see their smile {advice…DON’T wake them}.
You won’t lose yourself in your child. You’ll find a new you. Because having a child leaves you forever changed. You will find your rhythm, you will find alone time for you, and together, you will find that God…He meets you. He gives you everything you NEED, it may not be what you wanted or felt you needed, but He will.
You can do this, but only through Him. Only through putting aside yourselves and what you think you should be able to do, whether it’s keep the house immaculate, laundry, cooking, whatever it is. Give your husband Grace, give yourself grace, give that little girl grace.
And that husband, he has no clue what is coming, but before you think you do…you don’t either. Love on each other. You will see that strong man, crumble before your eyes, you will love him with a fierceness that you never before new existed in you. You will have such a passion for this man, who is not only your provider and protector, but now of that little girl too. There is nothing sexier than a man who not only loves his woman well, but who loves her children well to.
You are about to have the most unparalleled, miraculous, awe-inspiring,dumb-founding, experience of your life. You will come to know not only yourself and your husband better, you will come to meet God on a whole new level.
And this ended up being way longer than I meant *grabs a tissue*