when a blogger loses her voice

I think somewhere in the hurry and scurry and the dos and the don’ts of modern blogging, I lost something. I’ve said it before, but I miss the good old days. When we blogged to make connections, not money. Friends, not followers. I miss the stories, and the reality of it all.  So much has changed in a decade.

And then, there’s this crazy life. A life that is full. Good things happen. Sad things happen. Life happens. Sometimes putting fingers onto keyboard doesn’t happen as often as it use to.  That’s okay.

After all you can’t write what you haven’t lived.

And one day, this blogger looks up and can’t remember the last time she really blogged. And when she does, it feels like dry words crumbling out. The poetry and music of words don’t flow like they use to.

So, she wonders (and maybe panics just a little): am I out of practice or have I lost my voice? And if I have, where on earth do I find it again?

It’s a good question. One I don’t know the answer to, because right now? I am that blogger.

I’m still in love with words. I have so many that tumble around in my head. But they feel choked and strange when I try to pull them out. I’m not sure if I’m so out of practice or if I’ve just lost my voice.

But I want to find it again. I know it has to be here somewhere…tangled into the weavings of life and seasons. I don’t aim to be a giant in the blogging world. But I just want my voice back.

Because you know, I miss this.  A lot.

light bulb moments

I think I had a strange light bulb moment this month. 

I’ve been running on almost empty for a while now, and I didn’t really notice it until that warning light had been on for far too long. All of a sudden, you come to a sputtering halt and  you wonder what on earth just happened. Yeah, that was me this month.

I love working for my own business. I love working from home. But sometimes I don’t know how to just stop. If I open my computer, it’s like I think I absolutely must work. So I do.

And then I never write anymore. Or spend a lazy afternoon with pen and paper. Or read anything. Creativity gets to be drowned out in productivity.

And then I hit the low spot of being empty and tired. It’s a place that’s best avoided by balance.  I should know that by now.

So I told myself that this weekend was for everything except working. For writing blog posts, and letters, and cooking just for fun. For digging up more garden space and for pretending that I actually left all my work at the office and can’t get back to it until Tuesday.

I decided today was write a blog post about anything that comes to your mind day. No planning, and editing and pouring over it to get the words just right. Just write.

So that’s what I just did. You know, I almost felt like it was the good ol’ days of blog beginnings again. Winking smile 

Maybe I should do this more often? I’m thinking the answer is YES!

sometimes, silence

For weeks now, I’ve felt like there’ve been a million words racing through my mind. And yet, not a moment to write.

You see, at the beginning of March, I was writing up my February Twitteratures and my phone rang. It was my dad. Come to find out, a surprise birthday party was in the works for my only grandmother and being there was really important. But the catch was…the birthday party was going to be at the end of March.  In Washington State.  A few thousand miles away.

Well, what would life be if it weren’t for some spontaneity  once in a while, right? Two and a half weeks before The Date, we found ourselves some reasonable (given the circumstances) tickets, got travel documents for the Piglet, kicked work into high gear, ( I finished my final deadline the day we left!)  and made a mad dash from East to West courtesy of South West Airlines. 

Traveling with a 7 month old was both more exciting and less scary than I thought it was. Showing up on both Scott’s parents and my grandparents doors over the course of the one week  was epic and a lot of fun. We saw our old hometown, Sandpoint. We saw cousins and siblings and drove a thousand miles between the day we arrived and the day we flew home.

It was fun, exhausting,  but worth all the craziness.

We’ve been home for two weeks and I’m still catching my breath. I haven’t read a lick since March, and I am still digging out from under the laundry piles.

I have watched spring unfolding, planted some in my garden and had too much fun with our now mobile munchkin who loves spring and especially garden dirt.

So…yes. Sometimes, there’s a lot of silence here. Not because there are no words, but sometimes because there are too many. Too many and not enough time left over from living to actually put them into something sensible.

I’ll pick up with Twitteratures and the Reading Challenge at the end of the month. And here’s to hoping that maybe, just maybe….I can sneak in a few moments to write again soon.

<3

checkpoint February + twitterature

1525388_10152354854970628_928067411_nI love March.

  • I love it because on March 1st,  Spring is finally really just around the corner .
  • I love it because the daffodils start blooming. (And I look forward to that all year long…)
  • I love it because March is the month that I married my best friend. (Five years ago on the 15th! Eep!)
  • I love it because everything feels fresh and new in March. And of course, because over on KindredGrace.com there’s the kick off of March of Books. And I love  March of Books.

So…if you want to jump in on an entire month of bookish posts, reviews and best of all lots of awesome giveaways, head over to Kindred Grace and have a peek. I’m reviewing Choosing Gratitude as well as Sophie Hudson’s (AKA BooMama) new-ish book, A little Salty to cut the Sweet! (Two words: SO FUN.)

And now it’s time for February’s Twitterature!

What I’ve Read

The Beauty of Broken: My Story and Likely Yours Too—Elisa Morgan

Every family is a little broken. I’m not sure we can avoid it. Elisa shares about how God helped her to find beauty in her own broken family—and use it to become a better, stronger person.  A few differences in personal thought, but over all I did appreciate this one.  You can read a longer review here.

Notes from a Blue Bike – Tsh Oxenreider

Wow. This book was incredible. From the intro, I knew I was going to love it. And I felt like so much of it was just what I needed to hear about living intentionally and not settling in life for less than the real deal. You can read my partial review of it on KindredGrace.com. And if you haven’t read it, go buy it. Seriously. I don’t think you’ll regret it.

Books in Progress

I’ve Never Been to Vegas but my Luggage has –Mandy Hale

Life in spite of Me—Kristen Jane Anderson

Bedtime Stories and Prayers

Last winter, when Scott and I first discovered that our family was growing, I finally had a better excuse  to buy and read children’s books.  I couldn’t wait to share them with our baby on the way! Turns out, we have a budding book worm on our hands who really loves her books! (Okay, she sometimes loves them a little too much! ;) )

Last week, I pulled out Bedtime Stories and Prayers to read with her before a nap. She was so excited about the new book that I had a hard time getting her to calm down and fall asleep!

Charlotte was a big fan of the big eyes in the pictures, the squeaky pages, and attempting to eat it when she couldn’t turn the pages.  Here’s what I think about the book.381114 DSC_7150

The book is filled with these adorable images of little ones and pets. I’ve always liked Dandi Dailey’s artwork for children, so it was easy to fall in love with the images in this book, too!

The poems themselves are sometimes a little forced in order to keep a rhyme going. But the sentiments are sweet and simple enough for tiny ones to grasp.

I wish the pages would have been made out of something sturdier so little fingers could more easily turn them without the danger of them tearing, but I have a feeling we’ll be reading this one a lot in the years ahead as we grow our little bookworm!

*I was given a copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinions by Tyndale House Publishers*

The Beauty of Broken—a book review

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“There’s no such thing as a perfect family.” If I’m honest,  I don’t like that sentence even a tiny bit. If I’m still honest, I’ll admit that it is true.

We’re all a little broken. Either by our choices, by our parents’ or grandparents’ choices, or sometimes just because life is broken. It’s ugly. It’s messy.

It can be hard to lift up your face and look the world in the eye and admit that you don’t have it all together. It is for me. 

But, the good thing about being broken? It is the perfect thing for finding The Source of inner strength. It’s the perfect thing for finding what true beauty really is—something that shines out in spite of the less-than-perfect way our live story often goes.

In Beauty of Broken, Elisa Morgan shares her story. And how brokenness shaped her story—and ultimately, how God used it to create a kind of beauty in her life.

I appreciated Elisa’s honesty, and the encouragement she gave to not be ashamed of our stories, even if they are broken. It could be that the brokenness that Satan meant to destroy us is the very thing that God will override and use to be one of our greatest blessings.  And that, I think, is really beautiful.

*I received this book in exchange for my honest review from Book Sneeze. The opinions are mine entirely.*

Checkpoint January + Twitterature

Well, it’s February.  You know what that means: Checkpoint time!

I’ve written a lot of drab Reading Challenge updates in the past few years. I’ve felt like a boring Professor droning on and on about interesting things in the most uninteresting way.

I’m a kind of book blogger. I love books. I’m going to write about books. But there’s no need to drone on about every book I read or tried to read, right? So I’m trying something new.

One of my friends and co-writers for Kindred Grace, Emily Gardner, writes a lot about books too. Last year she did something called Twittature as a way to share her reading piles, and I like the idea. A lot. So, thanks to Emily and the Modern Mrs. Darcy, I’d like to .welcome you to Checkpoint January, Twitterature Style.

What I’ve Read

(This post may contain affiliate links.)

A Real Mother: Stumbling Through Motherhood—by Denise Malloy

The story, as told over the years through her column, about her motherhood journey as a woman who never really thought she’d want to be a mother. Some of it was hilarious! Even though I also don’t necessarily agree with certain family planning methods, I did have a problem with the somewhat downgrading way in which she poked fun at large families. It sort of tainted the fun parts of the book for me.

Packing Light: Thoughts on Living Life with Less Baggage—by Allison Vesterfelt

Imagine stepping away from your entire life and career and packing across the entire US in a Subaru in chase of your dream. Sound’s crazy, and Allison’s story was. Didn’t agree with some of her philosophy, but fascinating and inspiring story of doing whatever it takes to discover and follow your dreams and realize your calling—even if it means doing something a little bit crazy. Loved the open, honest way she takes us on her personal journey, emotionally and physically across the country and back again.

Current Books in Progress

Here’s what I’m currently pouring through. Check back for more in depth reviews on both of these in the near future!

My Listen Through the Bible Goal

I mentioned in my Goals for 2014 post that I wanted to listen to the Bible through at least once this year. Status check on that? I’m taking it slowly this first time. I’ve listened to the first 35 chapters of Genesis at least once. It’s been so good for me on the days I’ve done this to keep my focus where it belongs—even when I’m super tired! Looking forward to being more consistent and intentional about this in February.

Your Turn!

What are you reading this year?

m4s0n501

I can’t put her down

Sometimes, hands filled with a wiggling, bouncing not-quite-five month old, I find a corner of my mind running lists of  things I need to do, should do. There’s another list for the things I should have done and the deadlines that like to sneak up on me.

I smile and play pat-a-cake and don’t get me wrong: I love ever moment of it. I love the wiggles, and the giggles, and the little grabby hands that try to help me type while I’m working and send emails for me when I get up to grab a glass of water.

I don’t want these days to ever end. I just can’t seem to keep up with it all. So I think about nap time. Those sometimes 30 minutes (if I’m lucky!) of not having to worry if she’s about to roll herself into some disaster or to be distracted by baby talk and books when I “should” be working to keep ahead of a deadline.

But then she falls asleep. Snuggled against me, with a tiny hand holding onto mine. Fuzzy little head, nestled against my shoulder or chest. Perfect little nose.  Little sleeping eyes.

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I’m tired, maybe. I could type and work with two hands for a few minutes, yes.

But I just can’t do it. I can’t put her down.

the bugs were right

We had a record breakingly rainy summer. It was so damp and so cool and I almost feel like Summer never happened at all.  Followed up by a rainy fall, the bugs decided that they had had enough.

By dozens, stink bugs began to invade the house. If there was a crack to be found that they could squeeze through and get in, they found  it. If I opened the door for a few minutes, they would fly in. They were literally everywhere and on everything, looking for somewhere to huddle down for the winter. I can’t tell you how many I vanquished with the vacuum cleaner, or how many times I woke up at night to a disturbing feel of crawly feet and the unmistakable scent of stink bugs. 

We’ve had a problem with sweet ants for years. This rental is more or less an ant farm with sweet ants living in millions (I’m only guessing here) in the walls and sneaking in whenever they can to get into everything. But even though they were annoying, they were always manageable. Not this year.  The ants acted frantic. They got into the fridge even in their attempts to snag food for the winter. It was a loosing battle to keep them out of the pantry—even with the bug spray.

The lady bugs were the least disturbing, but they too tried to find a few nooks and crannies to stuff themselves into.

It was THE year for bugs. And when the invasion was at its peak, Scott and I started to think that they were on to something. The winter ahead was going to be really cold, we decided.

Turns out, the bugs were right.

All last week, all I wanted to do was drink hot chocolate and hide under a pile of blankets. Temperatures dropped down down down. Much lower than “usual”. When my thermometer said 2 * F, and the wind chill made it feel like –5*, I realized I’ve long since lost my Alaskan blood.

All I can say is I hope that Springtime comes sooner than soon. I think the bugs and I are more than ready for it!

My 2014 list

I love New Years. I love it because it is all about fresh, new starts. New chances, new opportunities, new experiences—and all the potential tucked into 365 days of another year.

At the beginning of the year, I like making a few resolutions. I am painfully aware of how easy it is to make resolutions and how un-easy it is to follow through for an entire year. I know how good intentions don’t necessarily equal a flawless performance of all the resolutions all the time.

But I think everyone needs a few goals to reach for every year. It gives a person something to aim for, something to motivate them to keep reaching high. 

So with the new year just a few days old, I came up with a list—my 2014 list of 14 things I’d like to do this year.  It’s a little random and maybe a little less lofty than some I’ve written.  Who knows what 12 months of living is going to do to the goals I think sound good now, but here’s to trying.

My 2014 List

  1. Listen to the Bible through at least twice.
  2. Read at least 12  books and review them.
  3. Read to Charlotte from the Bible every day.
  4. Make a Soufflé.
  5. Grow my business and reach my goal of xhrs/week
  6. Plant a spring garden.
  7. Eat more raw foods.
  8. Blog at least once a week.
  9. Start intentionally counting blessings again.
  10. Go camping again.
  11. Write one real letter a month.
  12. Sell our truck.
  13. Take a trip for our Fifth Anniversary.
  14. Try to find a perfect cinnamon roll recipe.

What’s on your list?